Dos, don´ts and dares

Buenos Aires 

Dos, don´ts and dares

DO

1. Eat how the locals eat. Cafe con leche and medialunas for a late breakfast, mate in the afternoon, and a picada and beer for dinner ( no six packs here - its a litre of beer or nothing). If you aspire to be a teenage porteña, have an alfajor and a diet coke and call it a day. You may be left starving and malnourished, but fear not, a hearty Sunday afternoon asado will make up for that.

2. Get out of Palermo as much as possible. San Telmo and Recoleta are attractive, but why not explore Caballito, Almagro or Mataderos, the neighbourhoods  where English isnt a pseudo-official language. Make reservations with Cicerones ( see p 122) for a personalised tour in the barrio of your choice. 

3. Go to a milonga ( see 143)! Tango shows ( see p 145) may be flashy and fun, but its only at a milonga that you´ll see the real beauty of tango: two strangers improvising a dance together, expressing in movement some of the saddest songs you´ll ever hear.

4. Impress the locals with your Argentinian accent. Quick and dirty tips to fake it: the ll and y are pronounced zh. And for those who remember high school Spanish, swap the tu for vos, which conjugates in the present tense like so: take the infinitive, replace the “r” with an “s”, and accent the last syllable, e.g. Que haces, boludo?

5. This is a city built on effort to attend all the house parties, asados, despedidas, birthdays and weddings that Argentinians will inevitably invite you because they want you there. Just be prepared for an onslaught of questions about your impression of Argentina.

6. Swap dinner at a stuffy restaurant for a night at a puerta cerrada (see p58). Instead of sharing a table with nothing more than a bottle of wine, at a closed-door restaurant you can join other diners at a communal table. You´re bound to leave with a full stomach and quite possibly some new friends.

DON´T 

1. Don´t disregard the local etiquette that goes for every setting, but particularly with tango. Remain touching your dance partner between songs and you´ll have indicated that you plan to go home together. Nothing wrong with doing so, but certainly a decision that should be made consciously.

2. Don´t be afraid to buy wine at the kiosko. A 30 peso bottle won´t let you down, because you´re in Argentina , for crying out loud!  When in doubt, get a malbec. For cheap-and-drinkable options, try Santa Julia, latitude 33, Quara, or Colon.

3. Don´t hog that mate. Mate is a communal activity - don´t drink without offering it to others, and take a sip when others offer it to you. Once people join in, the mate gets passed around in a circle. If you feel icky about sharing a straw, you´ve come to the wrong country.

4.  Speaking of which, don´t say “gracias” when someone passes you the mate, as it indicates you don ´t want any more. And don´t you dare move that bombilla (straw)!

5. Don´t ignore anyone. Be sure to greet everyone with one kiss on the cheek, and again when saying goodbye. This makes slyly escaping from a party almost impossible - quiet exits do not fly.

6. Don´t arrive early. Arrive early (or even on time) to a party and you´ll have made yourself an inconvenience because the host won´t be prepared. Lateness is socially  acceptable, if not expected. (But take heed, this doesn´t necessarily apply to tours, interviews, etc.)

DARE

1. Go for the weird things at the asado: chinchulin, morcilla, and mollejas; intestini, blood sausage, and sweetbreads, respectively. Before you know it, you´ll be begging for more.

2. Head to a telo (see p160), as in a hotel that is paid for by the hour you can imagine what they´re for. Take a bottle of wine and whatever else you might need. Make the most of special rates typically given on sunday, Monday and Tuesday - even better if the room is themed.

3. Spill the beans to your taxi drivers Tell them about the loves of your life, your recent dip into depression and your recurring dreams. They´re likely to respond with more of the same and some philosophical musings, and who knows, you may even find some clarity.

4. Get yourself to a Boca Juniors game a football team with fans so crazy, it´s prohibited to sell beer within a 20-block radius of the stadium on match night. Very few tickets are available to the public, so go through a service like Tangol (see p122). Not only will the company help you purchase tickets, but it´ll also give you rides to and from the event and provide you with a guide, all invaluable services in a place where things have been known to get dangerous. 

5. Opt for some peace and quiet by renting a secluded house in Tigre for the weekend. Find a place on one of the many islands in the Delta, and you´ll have to use a boat for transportation, even for trips to the grocery store - the perfect mix of retreat and adventure.

6. Lastly, in an effort to relive your teenage years, stay in Puerto Madero´s  Reserva Ecologica Costanera Sur (see p119) past closing time. Worse comes to worst, you get taken back to the entrance in a truck with the rest of the rounded-up ne´er-do-wells. Bonus points for doing the same in the Recoleta Cemetery (see p118), though you may never get out alive.